The Quick Fix for Happiness
The Quick Fix for Happiness
Alright...you may have already guessed by reading any of my other posts that my title is a mean trick. There unfortunately is no "quick fix" or "magic pill" that will make you happier. There also is no clear path to happiness, everyone's experience will look different based on their strengths and their authentic selves. So let's start there and talk about what it looks like to be true to who you are and how to discover your authentic self.
Path to Authenticity
As I mentioned in my introduction, after my ballet career I really struggled with my identity. I so strongly identified with the label "ballerina" that I didn't know who I was without it. The first book I stumbled upon was the "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. In my introduction I touched upon how (thanks to her) I quickly started to decipher what I liked and didn't like. Gretchen puts it in a really simple way, "think about what you liked to do as a child". Whether it be coloring, singing, or reading you can still continue to add these activities in to your adult life. To be completely honest (Hah! I just realized this is a bit of foreshadowing), I have never been much of a reader. I often struggle with staying focused, because I'm so active my mind immediately starts to wander and I before I know it it's been a half an hour and I'm stuck on the first paragraph. A thought that I continually had in my head was that I should read in order to learn and expand my knowledge on different topics. Turns out I still could do that, but I needed to find a method that was authentic to me, so that I could stick with it and stay consistent (I'm a very determined and goal oriented person...again this will come in to play later on).
Then along came Audible in to my life. It all clicked...holy shit...I'm an auditory learner! Now the world was my oyster, and I could finally digest material through audiobooks and podcasts. I was beginning to expand my mind further and develop the tools necessary to discover my authentic self. I started small with things like reading and tried to realign my actions with what felt most natural to me. Now this doesn't mean that I wasn't willing to push myself out of my comfort zone, it just meant I threw the "shoulds" out the window. No longer was I going to do something just because society was telling me that it was something I needed to do to be a better version of myself. I also started to take a hard look at how I was applying the "shoulds" to my relationships. For example I kept saying things like "Oh yea, I should really give them a call." or "I should go out tonight because I don't want them to think I don't care about them.". Here's the thing with both of those scenarios...if you want to make the effort with the people most important in your life you'll just do it, and if you're worried about how they would perceive a situation or think they may judge you for not doing something, are they really a friend that understands you fully and can appreciate and respect you for what you need?
Ok...so back to identifying actions I could take, that to put it simply seemed more like me...
I started to quickly identify a lot of qualities about myself. I love music, but mostly things that connect me to a certain point in my life (my girl Taylor is great with that...she really just gets me). I'm also extremely extroverted; I value my relationships; I'm a giver and want to do things for those closest to me; I am extremely hopeful; I love wine and good food; and I care deeply about honesty to name a few. Now I know this may start to sound like my dating profile...don't worry I'm not going to tell you next that I enjoy long walks on the beach and my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel more than anything...I do... but that's not the point! The moral of the story is just quit doing things because you think it will make you better or someone will like you more. Just do it because it's something that you truly want to do or something that will bring you joy (and no I'm not talking about the destructive things that may be thrilling in the moment but will only lead you down a path of loneliness and despair in the end).
If you're not gathering by this point in the post that this quest towards being authentic requires work, then you need to start all over again my friend...yup I mean it...go right on back to the first post. Hard work and concerted effort is the key to achieving happiness in almost every area of our lives. Our thoughts and actions are what make things happen and lead to long lasting change.
Character Strengths
Thanks to this course one of the first things that they had us do was to identify our core strengths (I've linked the quiz at the bottom of the post if you're interested in taking it). These are the characteristics that you can lean in to that will help you decipher what actions to take and what thoughts you may need to change. Here are my top 4 strengths:
Honesty, Fairness, Kindness, and Love
Honesty being my core strength threw me for a loop at first. I have a hard time with difficult conversations and will often do whatever I need to do to make someone I care about feel better or more comfortable. Often times that means I meet them where they're at and understand they're doing the best they possibly can in that moment (thank you Brene Brown for that lesson). As I started to do more research about the characteristic I figured out exactly why it is my core strength. I have integrity. There...I said it! I care about my values and do everything I can to uphold them. I care more about being true to myself than about living a life of authenticity, even if this means I go against the grain or my friends advice (I'm sorry guys I know I'm stubborn...I'm working on it, ok!).
I leaned in hard to these core values last week, and let me tell you...I am significantly happier! I have kept a log of all of the things I've done that has fallen under these categories and asked myself at the end of the day how I could have leaned in to them more. Since I'm extroverted, and I have the gift of time right now, I have spent time connecting and reaching out to the people I love. I have tried to love myself more and give myself more latitude during this difficult time by letting myself breakdown or have that second glass of wine. This is who I am and it feels so good to not apologize for that!
Your "Fit Score"
Sometimes I found that it has been hard for me to categorize what actions will be most beneficial for me to implement and what thoughts I may need to rewire. I referenced the book "The How of Happiness" in my last post (and I will continue to reference it because it's fantastic!!), and the author has a wonderful way to score yourself and gauge what actions will make you happiest based on your general interests and personal values. (I've also linked this quiz below)
The things that most strongly resonant with me are:
https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register
https://www.edbatista.com/files/2010/09/Person_Activity_Fit_Diagnostic.pdf
Alright...you may have already guessed by reading any of my other posts that my title is a mean trick. There unfortunately is no "quick fix" or "magic pill" that will make you happier. There also is no clear path to happiness, everyone's experience will look different based on their strengths and their authentic selves. So let's start there and talk about what it looks like to be true to who you are and how to discover your authentic self.
Path to Authenticity
As I mentioned in my introduction, after my ballet career I really struggled with my identity. I so strongly identified with the label "ballerina" that I didn't know who I was without it. The first book I stumbled upon was the "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin. In my introduction I touched upon how (thanks to her) I quickly started to decipher what I liked and didn't like. Gretchen puts it in a really simple way, "think about what you liked to do as a child". Whether it be coloring, singing, or reading you can still continue to add these activities in to your adult life. To be completely honest (Hah! I just realized this is a bit of foreshadowing), I have never been much of a reader. I often struggle with staying focused, because I'm so active my mind immediately starts to wander and I before I know it it's been a half an hour and I'm stuck on the first paragraph. A thought that I continually had in my head was that I should read in order to learn and expand my knowledge on different topics. Turns out I still could do that, but I needed to find a method that was authentic to me, so that I could stick with it and stay consistent (I'm a very determined and goal oriented person...again this will come in to play later on).
Then along came Audible in to my life. It all clicked...holy shit...I'm an auditory learner! Now the world was my oyster, and I could finally digest material through audiobooks and podcasts. I was beginning to expand my mind further and develop the tools necessary to discover my authentic self. I started small with things like reading and tried to realign my actions with what felt most natural to me. Now this doesn't mean that I wasn't willing to push myself out of my comfort zone, it just meant I threw the "shoulds" out the window. No longer was I going to do something just because society was telling me that it was something I needed to do to be a better version of myself. I also started to take a hard look at how I was applying the "shoulds" to my relationships. For example I kept saying things like "Oh yea, I should really give them a call." or "I should go out tonight because I don't want them to think I don't care about them.". Here's the thing with both of those scenarios...if you want to make the effort with the people most important in your life you'll just do it, and if you're worried about how they would perceive a situation or think they may judge you for not doing something, are they really a friend that understands you fully and can appreciate and respect you for what you need?
Ok...so back to identifying actions I could take, that to put it simply seemed more like me...
I started to quickly identify a lot of qualities about myself. I love music, but mostly things that connect me to a certain point in my life (my girl Taylor is great with that...she really just gets me). I'm also extremely extroverted; I value my relationships; I'm a giver and want to do things for those closest to me; I am extremely hopeful; I love wine and good food; and I care deeply about honesty to name a few. Now I know this may start to sound like my dating profile...don't worry I'm not going to tell you next that I enjoy long walks on the beach and my Cavalier King Charles Spaniel more than anything...I do... but that's not the point! The moral of the story is just quit doing things because you think it will make you better or someone will like you more. Just do it because it's something that you truly want to do or something that will bring you joy (and no I'm not talking about the destructive things that may be thrilling in the moment but will only lead you down a path of loneliness and despair in the end).
If you're not gathering by this point in the post that this quest towards being authentic requires work, then you need to start all over again my friend...yup I mean it...go right on back to the first post. Hard work and concerted effort is the key to achieving happiness in almost every area of our lives. Our thoughts and actions are what make things happen and lead to long lasting change.
Character Strengths
Thanks to this course one of the first things that they had us do was to identify our core strengths (I've linked the quiz at the bottom of the post if you're interested in taking it). These are the characteristics that you can lean in to that will help you decipher what actions to take and what thoughts you may need to change. Here are my top 4 strengths:
Honesty, Fairness, Kindness, and Love
Honesty being my core strength threw me for a loop at first. I have a hard time with difficult conversations and will often do whatever I need to do to make someone I care about feel better or more comfortable. Often times that means I meet them where they're at and understand they're doing the best they possibly can in that moment (thank you Brene Brown for that lesson). As I started to do more research about the characteristic I figured out exactly why it is my core strength. I have integrity. There...I said it! I care about my values and do everything I can to uphold them. I care more about being true to myself than about living a life of authenticity, even if this means I go against the grain or my friends advice (I'm sorry guys I know I'm stubborn...I'm working on it, ok!).
I leaned in hard to these core values last week, and let me tell you...I am significantly happier! I have kept a log of all of the things I've done that has fallen under these categories and asked myself at the end of the day how I could have leaned in to them more. Since I'm extroverted, and I have the gift of time right now, I have spent time connecting and reaching out to the people I love. I have tried to love myself more and give myself more latitude during this difficult time by letting myself breakdown or have that second glass of wine. This is who I am and it feels so good to not apologize for that!
Your "Fit Score"
Sometimes I found that it has been hard for me to categorize what actions will be most beneficial for me to implement and what thoughts I may need to rewire. I referenced the book "The How of Happiness" in my last post (and I will continue to reference it because it's fantastic!!), and the author has a wonderful way to score yourself and gauge what actions will make you happiest based on your general interests and personal values. (I've also linked this quiz below)
The things that most strongly resonant with me are:
- Cultivating optimism
- Practicing acts of kindness
- Nurturing social relationships
- Savoring life's joys
- Increasing flow experiences
- Committing to your goals
- Taking care of your body
This helps me sift through the actions that I can place the most importance on and know that implementing them will definitely make me happier! How do I know that? I'm passionate about them and I'm excited by just thinking about how I can implement them. My final advice...take some time this weekend to get to know your strengths and your authentic self. It will make everything seem a lot easier in the long run.
https://www.viacharacter.org/survey/account/register
https://www.edbatista.com/files/2010/09/Person_Activity_Fit_Diagnostic.pdf
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