A Pleasure Filled Life Vs. a Meaningful Life

A Pleasure Filled Life Vs. a Meaningful Life
A conversation about pleasure, meaning, and flow



There are many things that factor in to our happiness. I am in the midst of reading "The How of Happiness" by Sonja Lyubomirsky (as I mentioned in my last post), and she found that life circumstances only account for about 10% of our overall well-being. This got me thinking about the things in my life that I have placed so much importance on that actually barely make a dent in my overall well-being in the long run. Things such as, where I live, what I look like, whether or not I'm in a relationship, the things I have, events that happen to me (good and bad), and how much money I make (to name a few). Is there something wrong with wanting these things in our lives? No, there absolutely isn't anything wrong with that, because they do in fact bring us some degree of happiness, but it's important to remember that they do not make up the majority of the pie chart of what does have the greatest impact on our happiness.

As I'm trying to sort through how I can make shifts in my actions and create better habits, I am noticing that everything (nearly) that falls under that 10% (life circumstances) category also falls under the "The Pleasant Life" category. While the things that have the greatest and longest lasting impact fall under the "Meaningful Life" category.


The Pleasant Life

Martin Seligman describes "The Pleasant Life" in his TED Talk (I've linked this at the bottom of the post for reference). It's a life in which you strive to have as many pleasures as possible. There are a host of things that we believe we need to do to make us happier, but in reality will only provide short term happiness. Do either of these phrases sound familiar..."I'll be happier when I find my dream job" or "I will be happy if I finally find the love of my life."? These both fall under two of the most common myths around happiness 1. that happiness must be found, and 2. that happiness lies in changing our circumstances (the third being you either have it or you don't, which I touched upon in my last post).

So what actually happens when we place importance on changing these life circumstances? One of the biggest factors that leads to our unhappiness is materialism (or the striving to have more things in our lives). Sure there is going to be that boost in happiness for a couple of days (maybe even weeks) while we zip down Highway 1 in our brand new car, but it will only last a short amount of time.

Or how about finally getting that plastic surgery you've always wanted. There has to be huge gains in happiness from that right?! .... wrong. Studies show that beauty is not associated to our happiness. Believing your beautiful however, can be! 

Alright final scenario for you, and it's a big one...what about finding the love of your life and getting married? Studies show that married people are only happier than single people for 1-2 years in to their marriage. After that there is no correlation between their marriage and their happiness. Why is that? It's due to a thing called hedonic adaptation. This occurs when we have rising goals and expectations or due to social comparison. This means that all of these things will only make you happier for a short amount of time, because pretty soon you're going to be on Instagram again and see that your friend just got that brand new Tesla that you have been eyeing for months and suddenly yours isn't good enough anymore.

Now before you go ripping a part your life and blaming all of these things for your unhappiness, it's important to understand that if you are unsatisfied with your current circumstances (i.e relationship, job, looks, etc.) that you put those aside for now and do not deeply reflect on them. These are not...I repeat...not the things that are preventing you from getting happier. Remember that pie chart from my previous post? Our thoughts and actions account for 40% of our overall well-being. That means an incredible amount is in our control. This does mean however that to be happy it requires hard work, a willingness to really look at your life honestly, and identify your core character strengths so you can uphold your values.

So now what?...I've just told you that all of those things that give you a temporary high aren't going to do anything long term for your overall well being, well let's take a look at what can.

Exercise: Think of the happiest (naturally happy) person you know. What are some of their qualities and what actions do they take to create a happy life?

Got that person in mind?

Sonja listed the following examples in her book:


  • They nurture their relationships with family and friends
  • They express gratitude
  • They do small acts of kindness and are willing to lend a helping hand to others
  • They are optimistic about the future
  • They savor life's pleasures and are present
  • They exercise regularly
  • They are dedicated to life long goals and ambitions
  • They show poise and strength when coping in the face of a challenge


Sound familiar to your friend?


All right let's finally get in to the good stuff, and that's what makes up a "Meaningful Life".


The Meaningful Life

Think of all of the times where you were so engaged in an activity that you completely lost track of time and the outside world around you. This is what experts call "flow". It's what happens when we choose to do things in our lives that contribute to the greater good or utilize our core strengths to their fullest.

This week in the course our homework was to focus on gratitude and savoring. Each day I've kept a log of all of the things I've savored throughout the day, from a great meal I had, to the stretches at the end of my morning workout, as well as what I was grateful for. Savoring allows you to step out of an experience and appreciate it. It's also forced me to be more present. I've put down my phone and stopped scrolling through my feeds and just enjoyed time with Theo while he runs around the apartment like a maniac. And then there's gratitude...gratitude, in its own respects, has a plethora of benefits like:


  • Strengthening your immune system
  • Increasing your mood and lowering your stress levels
  • Develops stronger social connections
Both of these things keep bringing me back to the people in my life, and how appreciative I am to have them in it.While they are are not responsible for my happiness, there are very few things with meaning that are solitary. All of the high points of our lives have happened with other people around. Although we are unable to see our friends and loved ones right now, it doesn't mean that you can't nurture the relationships in your lives. Do you know what their core strengths are? Next time you talk to them ask them how they are leaning in to those strengths right now. This will not only bring you closer to them but will also give you inspiration in an area where you may not be the strongest! 


I have another challenge for you...and no it's not the 500th push up challenge you've been tagged in...


Ok here it is...find one wholly unexpected kind deed to do tomorrow and just do it. After you do it notice your mood. 

(Small acts of kindness can create the best mood boosts and greatly contribute to long term happiness.)

Ok back to things with meaning. Let's talk about long term goals. It's all well and good to push yourself to be better and strive for a promotion or a better job, but what if you did something that contributed to the greater good? Now we all don't have the luxury or the desire to be the doctors and other "hero like" occupations in this world, but we all have the opportunity to find our purpose. Even in your current job you could be utilizing your core strengths to create a better working environment for your colleagues. How amazing would it be if you did random acts of kindness for your coworkers or you were able to bring lightness to their day with your humor.

These are the most beautiful and most important moments we can create. When you step back and take a look at your life and you are able to truly be grateful for every part of it (the good and the bad) ...what an incredible life that would be.


So I'll let you make your own final choices on which path you'd like to choose...I for one am choosing a life with meaning and I hope to see you all walking down that path with me.





Additional resources:

https://www.ted.com/talks/martin_seligman_the_new_era_of_positive_psychology?fbclid=IwAR2oloKHbSt_OawHClKBJinihGi9uBk70J-fwdgTST2f13WGTQpJITCvW60#t-631136)

Comments

  1. So well said Christina! Another thing I love about reading your blog is your "writing voice" is distinctive to you. You write in a voice that is truly you, just as if I was getting to hear you say all of this out loud. Awing! ~Laura HT

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