My Final Assignment - Part 2
Week 2 - Commitment, Social Support, Variety, and Flow
"I get by with a little help from my friends..."
One of the first things I did at the start of implementing savoring in to my daily life, was to tell people about it. I told my inner circle, as well as shared my experience through social media. I have found that I truly cherish and am craving any and all social interactions that I have these days. Since I can only see a handful of people (and Theo) regularly in person, it's important to me that I am savoring every conversation I have. It is also a time to lean on those closest to you when you need them the most. I was reminded last week, by one of my wonderful friends and colleagues, that I don't have to make something out of everything I do right now. I have been getting so much joy out of the classes I'm teaching, but started to feel the pressure (due to my reference points on social media) to continue to create new and exciting content to keep up with this ever changing world. But what happened when I did that is it began to strip me of my intrinsic motivations. Once I let go of that pressure though, I taught what I wanted to teach and donated to an amazing cause in the process, which not only allowed my to connect to one of my best friends in a new way, but also allowed me to enjoy what I was doing while keeping me present and in the moment.
Last week was not only Theo's second birthday, but it was also of my oldest and dearest friend's birthday as well. One of my favorite things to do is to celebrate birthdays, whether it's my own, my family, or friends...I absolutely love making someone feel special. One of the ways I've found to be most effective to connect with people and savor our fondest memories together, is to go through old pictures and send it to those that I shared those moments with. This is also known as "wax nostalgia". Nurturing our nostalgic feelings from time to time helps us focus on how those people and moments enriched our lives. What that is doing is not only savoring past experiences by reliving them, but in reminiscing with others we are also showing gratitude for the people we're sharing it with, which in turn deepens or bond and social connections.
Exercise: Create a photo album of your favorite memories with someone and send it to them. Once they've received it, call them up and reminisce about all of those amazing memories!
One of the best things that comes out of savoring is that it thwarts hedonic adaptation. By stepping outside of an experience to appreciate it, we automatically stop ourselves from getting so used to something that it becomes ordinary. It also prolongs and reinforces the positive emotions that we experience.
If you're wanting some more ideas on how to implement savoring in to your daily routine here are some things I've learned over the past two weeks from a daily savoring practice:
My discoveries and observations after two weeks of savoring.
As I mentioned last week, I am now embarking upon my final assignment for "The Science of Well-Being Course", for which I decided to savor something at least once a day, and so far I have consistently stuck to that. As last week proved though, quarantine fatigue would make that more difficult than I thought...
Today we are on day 70 of quarantine (but who's counting...), and in looking back it is stunning to see how much has changed in that amount of time. In less than 4 months our society has gone under massive behavioral, social, and economic changes. That's a lot of change to navigate successfully, even for the most skilled well-being experts. While listening to one of my favorite podcasts, "The Daily" by The New York Times, on an episode about the "Great Alaska Earthquake", it dawned on me how remarkably similar human behavior is from one disaster to another. A quote that particularly struck me was:
"The instant disaster strikes life becomes like molten metal, it enters a state of flux in which it must reset on a state of principal, a creed, or a purpose. Thus shaken, perhaps violently, out of a rut and routine."
In short, disasters can create an opportunity for transformation. One thing that spurs from that is how people are brought together, because an entire community is experiencing the same thing. No longer does someone have to step in someone else's shoes to understand what they are going through. We instead collectively experience the horrors, trials, and tribulations of the event. In looking back on my life, some of the most positive events have been those that stemmed from tragedy. I can remember being in religion class in Manhasset, New York, where we could hear the blaring sirens going off one after the other on 9/11, and witnessed how New Yorkers rose triumphantly from the ashes in the months and years following. We lost a member of our Washington Ballet Studio Company during my first tour as a professional ballet dancer, a moment that forever shaped mine and my fellow dancers' lives for the better, because we all learned not to take anything for granted. Both horrific moments in time, but somehow created beauty in life afterwards.
My goal in writing these blog posts is not to shame anyone for what they are or aren't doing during this trying time, but rather it is to hopefully inspire and motivate someone. One of the beautiful parts of what I get to do every day as a Pilates instructor and manager, is to be the fuel for my clients and managers when they feel like they don't have any gas left in the tank. By telling them things like, "Come on you know you have one more in you!". What then inevitably happens is that they could in fact do that one more rep they didn't think that had in them. My ultimate goal is to continue to be vulnerable to help people achieve mental and physical fitness or well-being. The truth of the matter is that, I'm not doing anything extraordinary. I'm doing things that we can all easily add in to our every day lives, and I want to share those things with you in hopes that something may resonate with you as well. One of the hardest things to do in life is to be vulnerable when we are feeling lost and afraid, but it is so incredibly freeing once you do. So...for the sake of practicing what I preach I am going to tell you how my second week of savoring went...
Today we are on day 70 of quarantine (but who's counting...), and in looking back it is stunning to see how much has changed in that amount of time. In less than 4 months our society has gone under massive behavioral, social, and economic changes. That's a lot of change to navigate successfully, even for the most skilled well-being experts. While listening to one of my favorite podcasts, "The Daily" by The New York Times, on an episode about the "Great Alaska Earthquake", it dawned on me how remarkably similar human behavior is from one disaster to another. A quote that particularly struck me was:
"The instant disaster strikes life becomes like molten metal, it enters a state of flux in which it must reset on a state of principal, a creed, or a purpose. Thus shaken, perhaps violently, out of a rut and routine."
In short, disasters can create an opportunity for transformation. One thing that spurs from that is how people are brought together, because an entire community is experiencing the same thing. No longer does someone have to step in someone else's shoes to understand what they are going through. We instead collectively experience the horrors, trials, and tribulations of the event. In looking back on my life, some of the most positive events have been those that stemmed from tragedy. I can remember being in religion class in Manhasset, New York, where we could hear the blaring sirens going off one after the other on 9/11, and witnessed how New Yorkers rose triumphantly from the ashes in the months and years following. We lost a member of our Washington Ballet Studio Company during my first tour as a professional ballet dancer, a moment that forever shaped mine and my fellow dancers' lives for the better, because we all learned not to take anything for granted. Both horrific moments in time, but somehow created beauty in life afterwards.
My goal in writing these blog posts is not to shame anyone for what they are or aren't doing during this trying time, but rather it is to hopefully inspire and motivate someone. One of the beautiful parts of what I get to do every day as a Pilates instructor and manager, is to be the fuel for my clients and managers when they feel like they don't have any gas left in the tank. By telling them things like, "Come on you know you have one more in you!". What then inevitably happens is that they could in fact do that one more rep they didn't think that had in them. My ultimate goal is to continue to be vulnerable to help people achieve mental and physical fitness or well-being. The truth of the matter is that, I'm not doing anything extraordinary. I'm doing things that we can all easily add in to our every day lives, and I want to share those things with you in hopes that something may resonate with you as well. One of the hardest things to do in life is to be vulnerable when we are feeling lost and afraid, but it is so incredibly freeing once you do. So...for the sake of practicing what I preach I am going to tell you how my second week of savoring went...
Commitment
Commitment can be a scary word for most people. It often is associated with a daunting long term task that you think may be impossible to achieve. Often when we think about committing to something it begins to put a certain amount of pressure on ourselves. While a little intrinsic pressure can be a good thing because it means you're passionate about achieving your goals, extrinsic pressure that stems from social duties or obligations is less likely to make us want to commit, because it is not authentic to our core values. Those however that learn how to continue to pursue their goals in the face of adversity tend to be the most successful, because they make that goal a priority no matter the circumstances. This is one of the reasons why you cannot talk about goals without talking about hard work and commitment. Some recipes for success when it comes to commitment are:
- Resolve to do something that you are motivated about intrinsically (make sure you are wanting the right things)
- Put effort towards it daily (Don't shy away from the hard work it may require)
- Be flexible when things are out of your control (Can you change your sub goals to better support your primary goal?)
- Have the right kinds of metrics for success (i.e. A good metric for success is asking "Am I happier?" vs. "Am I making more money?")
- Seek the right kind of support (whether it be situational or social support)
The last point is one that is incredibly important when establishing a goal and making sure you stick to it, and the best part is it's relatively easy to do, you simply just have to tell someone about your goal. This not only make us more likely to succeed at achieving them, but also strengthens our social connection with the person we're telling. One of our writing prompts last week in the course was asking us whether or not we used a type of support while implementing our new habits. I decided I would share my goal with others via this blog as well as share it on Facebook. I've found that just the simple act of telling someone about savoring has made me have to appreciate and savor the experience as a whole. Putting my journey in writing and posting it for all to see, has also held me accountable to implementing these news habits while simultaneously solidifying the information I have learned along the way.
Committing to your goals has inherent risks because failure always seems to be looming around the corner. Questions like "What if I put that out there and don't get the kind of response I want?" or "I don't want people to think I'm crazy for attempting this!", begin to pop up in our heads. To that I ask you "And so what if you don't get the kind of response you want, or people do think you're crazy?" Something I strongly believe in is that no one has the right to judge someone else, because no one is clairvoyant or all knowing. Since no one can accurately predict how something will turn out, it's best to silence other's opinions unless they are from those that are closest to you and have your best interests at heart. This is where social support comes in to play...
"I get by with a little help from my friends..."
One of the first things I did at the start of implementing savoring in to my daily life, was to tell people about it. I told my inner circle, as well as shared my experience through social media. I have found that I truly cherish and am craving any and all social interactions that I have these days. Since I can only see a handful of people (and Theo) regularly in person, it's important to me that I am savoring every conversation I have. It is also a time to lean on those closest to you when you need them the most. I was reminded last week, by one of my wonderful friends and colleagues, that I don't have to make something out of everything I do right now. I have been getting so much joy out of the classes I'm teaching, but started to feel the pressure (due to my reference points on social media) to continue to create new and exciting content to keep up with this ever changing world. But what happened when I did that is it began to strip me of my intrinsic motivations. Once I let go of that pressure though, I taught what I wanted to teach and donated to an amazing cause in the process, which not only allowed my to connect to one of my best friends in a new way, but also allowed me to enjoy what I was doing while keeping me present and in the moment.
Last week was not only Theo's second birthday, but it was also of my oldest and dearest friend's birthday as well. One of my favorite things to do is to celebrate birthdays, whether it's my own, my family, or friends...I absolutely love making someone feel special. One of the ways I've found to be most effective to connect with people and savor our fondest memories together, is to go through old pictures and send it to those that I shared those moments with. This is also known as "wax nostalgia". Nurturing our nostalgic feelings from time to time helps us focus on how those people and moments enriched our lives. What that is doing is not only savoring past experiences by reliving them, but in reminiscing with others we are also showing gratitude for the people we're sharing it with, which in turn deepens or bond and social connections.
Exercise: Create a photo album of your favorite memories with someone and send it to them. Once they've received it, call them up and reminisce about all of those amazing memories!
One of the best things that comes out of savoring is that it thwarts hedonic adaptation. By stepping outside of an experience to appreciate it, we automatically stop ourselves from getting so used to something that it becomes ordinary. It also prolongs and reinforces the positive emotions that we experience.
Pleasure in the Mundane
Not every day has to be productive or have a meaningful experience in it. I allowed that to really sink in last week, when I just felt like I was in a real funk. I was meditating every day and still savoring things but I felt disconnected somehow. I had so many weeks where I really felt like I was thriving during this pandemic and not just getting by, but last week felt different. So I decided I would stop trying so hard and just be open to the beauty that was around me. I took the blinders off and tried to see everything for what it truly was. On top of savoring daily, I have also continued to meditate for at least 10 minutes every day. It has given me time to reflect, but also time to strengthen my mental control for when things seem overwhelming. This has allowed me to stay present and in the moment even for the most mundane things, like my daily self care routine. Last week I ordered a new conditioner, and it smells fantastic! As I was showering I took time to simply take deep breaths and utilize my senses to enrich one of the most basic activities. I have to say it made my shower super enjoyable, so much so that I started to think about other activities in that way...but then I got stuck on "How does one make laundry or the dishes enjoyable?".
One tool that we can use to solidify better habits is to use an imagery technique where we imagine how good it will feel when we complete a task. I've now taken to thinking about how good it feels when I have a clean apartment and everything is in order. If I really need to I'll pass the time by listening to a podcast at the same time. Although, my biggest rule during this month of savoring is to not multi task during experiences, whether it be watching a show I've been eagerly waiting to see or a phone call with a friend. I want to be present during those moments so that I can fully appreciate them, otherwise it is all going to simply pass me by and seem meaningless.
Not every day has to be productive or have a meaningful experience in it. I allowed that to really sink in last week, when I just felt like I was in a real funk. I was meditating every day and still savoring things but I felt disconnected somehow. I had so many weeks where I really felt like I was thriving during this pandemic and not just getting by, but last week felt different. So I decided I would stop trying so hard and just be open to the beauty that was around me. I took the blinders off and tried to see everything for what it truly was. On top of savoring daily, I have also continued to meditate for at least 10 minutes every day. It has given me time to reflect, but also time to strengthen my mental control for when things seem overwhelming. This has allowed me to stay present and in the moment even for the most mundane things, like my daily self care routine. Last week I ordered a new conditioner, and it smells fantastic! As I was showering I took time to simply take deep breaths and utilize my senses to enrich one of the most basic activities. I have to say it made my shower super enjoyable, so much so that I started to think about other activities in that way...but then I got stuck on "How does one make laundry or the dishes enjoyable?".
One tool that we can use to solidify better habits is to use an imagery technique where we imagine how good it will feel when we complete a task. I've now taken to thinking about how good it feels when I have a clean apartment and everything is in order. If I really need to I'll pass the time by listening to a podcast at the same time. Although, my biggest rule during this month of savoring is to not multi task during experiences, whether it be watching a show I've been eagerly waiting to see or a phone call with a friend. I want to be present during those moments so that I can fully appreciate them, otherwise it is all going to simply pass me by and seem meaningless.
Even the things we enjoy can start to normalize and feel mundane if we don't have variety within those things. When it comes to our friends, family, roommates, or spouses, it's important to continue to create experiences with them, and continue to change things up. That can be anything from:
- A paint night
- Dancing together
- A lip sync battle
- Cooking together
- Starting a book club
- Tuning in to your favorite show on the same night
Variety and challenge also promote "flow". When we experience flow we are so engrossed in what we are doing that we can lose track of time. If we get stuck in the same routine and have zero variation, we will quickly adapt and take those things and people for granted.
If you're wanting some more ideas on how to implement savoring in to your daily routine here are some things I've learned over the past two weeks from a daily savoring practice:
- Choose experiences that are true to your authentic self, core values, and character strengths.
- Find experiences that both challenge you and have variety.
- Make sure you have enough time in your day to be able to take pauses to appreciate the experiences throughout it.
- Do not multi task during experiences.
- Journal about your happy experiences at the end of the day.
- Reminisce more and share it with others.
- Don't take the people in your life for granted by being present for them.
- Use your senses to prolong the positive effects of an experience.
- Take mental or actual photographs of an experience so that you can go back and reminisce about it.
- Take pleasure in the mundane by allowing yourself the time to enjoy those activities.
I am excited to continue to share what I learn over these final two weeks. I hope you all continue to learn, grow, and share things with me as well. The choice is ours when it comes to what we want this world to look like when this pandemic is over. I for one would love to see it a happier and healthier place...
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